what do I want????~

I see you standing there, all alone. I see you waiting there. I see you in my arms. But why won't I take it? I'm scared. I'm scared of ruining it all. I'm scared of breaking both our hearts. I'm scared of committing and giving it all away again. It's perhaps too soon for me. But everyone is telling me I should go for it. I should take your hand and we should walk together on this planet for whatever path God takes us on. I'm sorry... I'm not sure if I'm the type of guy for you right now. I need my time to get over some things independently. I don't want to rely on others, part from God. I don't want to fall into that pit again. I'm sorry... We'll have to wait a little while longer. Besides I'm too messed up in the head and in my life, I don't want to drag you into something which may stumble you. I don't want to stumble you, because I know deep down inside, I have something horrible. I have so many horrible things to bear with and I don't want it to stain you too. I have already lost one important person in my life and I don't want to lose another til I rectify myself. I just can't do that to you, nor anyone else. I have to remove these stains somehow. Time will only tell. I want to be by myself for now, so I'm sorry. I don't want to limit you, nor me to a relationship. Live life with Jesus and just Him for a little longer. Don't wait for me. *sigh* I'm so stupid. I just need to sort out my life first. I need to get this semester over and done with... I can't deal with anything else to do with my heart. I really can't...