The ease of sin~

It's so easy to sin, it makes life that much more of a guilty pleasure to live through. The things we do, despite knowing that it is wrong leads to the massive guilt trip that humans have to endure to pleasure themselves through lust, revenge, anger etc.

The ease of using sin to escape the essence of good and to travel along the paths of evil and pleasure. The road you seek is windy and rough. The road you embark with all that belongs to you will be lost in time as you travel. You leave things behind and carry new baggage at every obstacle.

The bags we carry now are who we are now. The particles that made up your skin are now new and that's why we feel nostalgia towards the past. the fresh blood, skin and memories replace that of the old.

I fear my anger, the hatred I have. My greed for power and money has a close grip on me which enables my ease to use various forms of sin to gain. The ego, the pride and the power.

Such is the bitter sweet conformities of sinful natures.

Last Angel~

The humans of the world, separated by race, pride and hatred ; fight for the last ounces of resources left on these burnt lands, crisped with the blood of fallen ancestors. Is such a treasure so worth it that the trade of lives and vengeful spirits must be the price to pay? Of course to those who have not experienced pain for centuries can not feel the emotions of revenge and hatred can not comprehend the actions of the warlords of each nation. A world of political segregation and empirical prowess is enough to create an 'immortal' aura for those who possess too much power for the feeble minded. The humans slay all who block furthering of one's kingdom, thus, the evil which precedes the land of Earth increases with slaying of angels who seek to protect the humans from self damnation.

As centuries pass, kingdoms have fallen, resources are bare and minimal, the grounds are covered in blood and the surviving nations grow weak. The angels too have suffered; many of the humans have slain the angels who walk in peace to protect, but are slain for their bounty/riches. Eternal pain stricken the land which the humans walk and the race of humans begins to die out and grow poor. Those who were rich from greed, now looting and plundering innocent villages. This world has degenerated into a world of anarchy. No one is to be trusted, no one is to be merciful - only those who are ruthless and with the intent to kill will survive outside the gates of any kingdom. The land between nations are governed as 'no man's land' and are filled with the exiled, the traitors, the murderers, the thieves and witches.

All but one stands, all but one has remained to see the eternal damnation for humans.The last angel to survive in this world, the one who has yet to fall seeks to find peace for the humans. The last one standing who has experienced the spite of humans, the greed, the lust, the revenge and above all, the pain of living in a squandered and horded land. The last angel wore a glorious silky, white gown which fit firmly on its body. It's face was a pale white with no blemish, no pain. it's golden hair ran down past its breasts and glowed during the dark. It's stature, its glory, just sat on the highest point of Earth, watching the endless battles of humans; pondering. It had no facial expression, it had no remorse, no emotions, just a goal - that is to drive the humans to peace and to unite against the evils reigning over the land.

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This is kind of the main idea of a massive piece I am going to write during my holidays. I hope I can get a hundred pages or so done for it. Let me know if you guys like it or not.

You~

It's crazy, I feel like these days... I can wake up and smile at the world. Smile at the face of darkness, because I know that I'm stronger than before. I'm no longer than lonesome astronaut. I found someone to show my world to. I feel so at home. I feel like I can finally return after orbiting around earth for so long.

I can finally watch that waterfront
I can finally watch the sunrise and set
I can finally sleep knowing that I'm wanted
I can finally wake up knowing that I have someone to share the day with
I can finally smile without faking any ounce of it

I honestly can't describe how I feel. It's probably why I haven't been able to write for the past couple of weeks. I haven't felt this way for ages. It feels like I've finally got something going for me.

Let me show you something new in this world which you've never experienced before. Let me show you what it's like to live like me. Let me show you me.

Fisherman's Horizon~

I'm still on this boat, waiting for the sun to rise. It's pitch black and the moon is beginning to settle into the horizon. The ripples of the dark waters resonate with the pure white of the moon. The smell of morning became pungent. The coldness of winter stung my nostrils as I began to inhale. With a slow exhale, I play with the 'gas' coming out of my mouth, making an endless stream of the gaseous cloud to polute the air.
I'm still sitting on my fold-out chair. The same one I use every month to come out and watch the horizon. I sit enviously waiting for it. The sun starts to peek its way out of the horizon and the moon still battling to maintain dominance in the sky. The battle for light and darkness becomes a struggling challenge for control. To see light prevail over darkness, is to find comfort in knowing that during times of pitch black tunnels, the dim light at the end of the tunnel is what can motivate us to keep running towards the light - hoping that it'll become stronger one day.
I'm still waiting on the day on every last day of the month, that a fisherman's horizon will appear to me. A horizon that shows the beauty of the sea, the schools of fish, the pods of whales and the sea breeze in my hair. That moment, where the sun peaks from under the horizon to fill up the world in light. To bask in the first flares of the sun's magnificent rays is like feeling refreshed after a hot shower after many days of being out in the wilderness. I can see it. I can see the light funnel itself into my world.  It's moments like these in which we understand how glorious light is; it fills us with a sense of joy to roam the world before the awaited dark enigma.
But, I'm still on this boat, and darkness befalls me, waiting once again for that light.

~ Thus, the Fisherman's Horizon. ~

not here~

Suffering is what makes us know we are human, and that we need something/someone to rely on when it comes to us being at our lowest. But it's when you realise that when you rely on people or a materialistic security, we begin to dig deeper into the void. When you realise that all this hard work you put in to find a way out of the hole only dug you deeper. When you realise that people are there to let you down, and it most likely was a person who caused you to feel disappointed, unloved, hated, lonely and angry. It is then that you realise, that when all else fails on you, it is you yourself who dug that hole for yourself. What then can we do to fill the void? To me, the void is unquenchable. The thirst of being accepted on a daily basis, the thirst of wanting to be loved, the thirst of seeking respect from others is just an excuse for us to encourage an egotistic escapade to falsify our image. Our image as people is heavily based upon civil society and popular culture - for the morals and ethics we adopt today mold humans into believing what is right and what is wrong. For you to become popular, you must do certain things to obtain it. For you to become 'cool,' you have to complete a certain amount of steps. But really, the conforming to the society of today, is to conform to the devil. Why is it that we have to change ourselves for the sake of others, why is it that we have to change ourselves so that others may accept us. Is it not like Adam and Eve? They chose to eat from the tree of knowledge. It was eve who wanted to conform to the morals of the devil. It was then that the influence of Eve towards Adam, that chose the fate of humanity - to dwell among the morals and ethics set by God, but influenced by the devil. Created in God's image, but tainted with the curse of being taunted by Satan as we walk along our paths on this world. I can safely say, that there is more to life than just this. There is more to life than just suffering and conformity. For me, there is something more special outside this world - that is God. Why be conform to the momentary happiness of this world, when what you truly seek is not here.

Dreams~

Waiting so enviously until that day. I'm almost jealous that all these other people can sleep so soundly in their beds in the deep darkness which envelopes the world. Perhaps it's because I don't have a person who I call father. It's just me, my little brother and my mother and her boyfriend. I can't sleep at night - I look endlessly into the depths of space, searching for reason, searching for what may seem like a glimmer of hope. There are so many stars out there for me to reach up to, but all are so far far away. As I lay here on my bed, I peer outside my window, which I leave open since I'm a bit scared of the dark, and just stare. When I eventually do fall asleep, there is nothing to dream about, just a momentary pitch black. My father told me this before his passing;
"In this world, there is no guarantee that you'll live. There is no guarantee that you'll find what you're looking for in this lifetime. There is no control over your life. But I can tell you one way to grasp it for just a short while and feel like the world is yours. Dreams, son, dreams. The day when you dream, is the day your centre becomes your life for just that brief moment. Let me tell you my dreams I've been having lately, I dreamt of your mother, I dreamt of you and your brother. I held all of you in my arms as my house became engulfed in flames. Yet, as I look at it now... although the house was destroyed and smoke filled the skies, we were on the hill near our house. All I could think about was that everything is built on the 'truths' of this world and what we think. In just that brief moment of a dream, I had everything I needed. I didn't care about the house at all. But as I awoke from my sleep, and to find you here next to me, I can't help but feel somewhat sorry for you. Sorry that your old man can't be with you much longer. Sorry that you'll have to endure the hardships of this life without guidance from me. Sorry that you won't be able to learn the fundamental aspects of what it is to truly live in this world.
Son, just remember, dreams are something special, they help you realise where your heart lies and how you view the world. Until the day you can dream, son..."
My father died shortly after that. I was thirteen years of age at the time. It was the first time I ever felt sadness in the form of a person passing away. I didn't hit me at first, but when I went downstairs and looked at the kitchen table where my father used to drink his coffee and read his newspaper, I remembered that he wasn't going to be there anymore. I remembered. I understood...
Father, you told me until the day I can dream, my centre will be revealed. Why is that after all these years, my centre has always been you and finding you in my dreams, hoping that I can share a father-son moment with you. Hoping that you can teach me the ways of what it's like to be growing up with a fatherly figure. I can't dream, father, I can't dream. Maybe it's because I'm afraid I'll see you, and when I awake, it'll just be a vague memory of you. Dreams scare me.

True Sadness~

To have felt true sadness is to have felt the depths of existence - that is living on an empty world of deceit and lies. Through human morals and ethics are we forged to become part of civil society. More so, becoming one with the world of idolatry and pleasures is to become one with the devil. The pact made since Adam and Eve. The fate of man kind was sealed to this world, where we shall endure hardships, sorrow, love, goodness, pain and above all, death. What's wonderful is that despite whichever end of the spectrum we experience, we are made to experience the other end. To feel loved by your significant other, to feel that this person will never let you down. Someone who was been there for all your life. Someone who you knew would always be at your side no matter what. When they leave you. When they die. You feel pain. The pain which lets you know how awful this world is. But before this all happened, did you not feel that nothing could go wrong and that you had a purpose in life? What does this mean to our existence as human beings?

To me, this means that for there to be an existence of good and bad in this world, we are only human. We are subject to change and self-actualisation through such events to help construct who we are as we become adults. For us to experience true sadness, is to understand who we are and why we are here. To keep fighting on? To fall into the same trap in which I call love - but may possibly find someone who will last? Don't know. Perhaps it'll be jealousy which continues within these veins so that I struggle on in life. Interesting, isn't it? To be feeling a sense of dignity and a vainglorious egotistic pride within myself leads me to the reason why I type so enthusiastically for the internet world - to let others know the troubles of a young adult conceited in his own values.

Seemingly so, despite all these troubles given unto me. I find strength. But still feel the aching depths of loneliness as I continue to float around in space, seeking something special to finally allow me to reach home. People are counting on me. People are waiting for me. People show me their love, their respect, their enthusiasm and their care, but I still negate it. Why? It could be possible that I seek recognition from a fellow significant other, or more so whom who shall not be named (Voldemort you scheming fool). Yeah, perhaps I just want an apology from my ex. Perhaps the only reason why I started believing in myself was so that you'd recognise me and finally come to your senses and say a simple sorry to me. Yeah, you may be thinking this guy is an idiot, but I guess this is where words of affirmation come into place.

However, I feel like I've reached a new found inspiration for life, other than God. To become stronger in body and in soul to protect those close to me. I will not stand down when it comes to my fellow brothers and sisters. To have a benevolent heart is to understand love. To understand love is to understand pain. It's weird, but I can feel when friends are angry, sad, depressed etc just by reading their texts. Just by seeing what they're doing. Or even perhaps with them doing nothing at all and I'm not in the same vicinity as them. Perhaps it may just be a case of reading human emotions and body language, but I believe there is a depth to it all which can't be seen by the naked eye. I guess this is why at times, people find it easier to open up to me, because I share a pain that we both understand. Although in different situations, we can feel a connection in something so great and yet so painful. But it is through this that we can understand the pain of God. The pain that God had to endure, but His love stretched out to us with His Son Jesus. A story, A fact, An event that happened all that time ago. Human, yet not Human at the same time.

We're all here together, let's make this world a better place. For we are those who share the same pain that is living in a broken world, and that we can save those of whom we love and care.